How to Be Authentically More Confident in Bed Without Faking It

Written by Chris Suolo on September 28, 2016

a confident man with his woman in bed

Getting a girl to sleep with you is one thing, but actually being successful in bed is a whole different thing.

It can seem particularly difficult to feel powerful in the bedroom considering all of the "perfect" examples that we see in the media— buff, grizzled men, shirtless magazine models, porn stars, etc. How could a regular guy ever live up to some of these examples we see in the media?

Fortunately, most girls don’t expect or even want the stereotypical guy that you think you’re competing against. Rather, they just want a confident man who acts naturally and performs well in bed.

With that being said, here are some tips for being more confident in bed.

Have Sex… A Lot

The only way you can truly increase your confidence in bed is by actually having sex. Treat sex as a habit or ritual with your partner— do it as often and as regularly as you’d do any other enjoyable activity.

If you’re not with a partner, there are still ways to practice your skills. Masturbation is an obvious first choice, but there are also other options, such as using a Fleshlight. Another way to prepare for successful sex— and increase your confidence— is by extending the size of your penis.

However you end up practicing, it’s important to make it part of your routine, and to make it feel normal. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, just ease into it. While you should make having regular sex a goal, don’t let it consume your life.

Don’t Overthink It

You should never overthink having sex. Women hate it when men are too doubtful, controlling, or analytical in bed.

While in bed, just follow your instincts. If you want to kiss your partner in a certain place, do it! Don’t try to anticipate what will happen next because this will make everything seem unnatural and contrived.

It’s also important to not be too concerned over whether your partner will like what you’re doing. Generally, the girl will react in a certain manner if they don’t like whatever you’re doing, and if you’re ever in bed again, you’ll know what to do and what not to do.

It’s also important to not have too grand of expectations at the beginning. Expecting too much out of having sex can lead to disappointment.

Truth is, you're probably not male porn-star quality material.

Embrace this fact. Don't let it pararlyze you ino staying a virgin your whole life.

In fact there's a sort of fetish associated with both men and women towards "amateur" sex.

You will get better over time if you simply have sex a lot, as mentioned earlier.

Learn a few sex positions, and learn what it takes to make her orgasm, and if you keep working at it, your sex IQ will increase and as a result, your confidence in bed.

Ease Into It

It’s important to not rush a sexual experience; in other words, it’s better to lead up to a climax as opposed to getting an immediate orgasm.

If you experience premature ejaculation, you’re not alone, as some studies show that one in three men are in the same boat.

If this is the case, it’s not a bad idea to consult a doctor.

Nonetheless, easing into it is important regardless of when you ejaculate, simply because leading up to intercourse builds anticipation. Consider teasing her, stopping foreplay for a few seconds— these are a couple of recipes for success.

While you don’t want to take it too far, it may not be a bad idea to make her beg for sex. When something is so close but just out of reach, we begin to clamor even more for whatever we’re being taunted by.

A great side effect of having a woman beg for actual intercourse is that your own self-esteem will be sky-high.

Be More Comfortable with Yourself

a comfortable man

Although it should seem obvious, being more comfortable and confident with whom you are can tremendously increase your ability to be confident in bed.

Therefore, it’s important to look to be the best you; don’t worry about being anyone other than yourself.

Don’t question how or why you’re in bed with a girl, as she obviously wants to be with you if you’ve gotten that far, regardless of your height, weight, looks, or any medical condition.

When it’s all said and done, the girl you’re having sex with will remember the experience instead of other people or how you look. That is, if you’re doing it right.

If you're not already comfortable with yourself, there's nothing I can say that will trick you into comfort.

The problem is that you're honest with yourself.

Your a good person - and you couldn't lie to yourself for gilded self-gain even if you tried.

And that honesty is the motivational engine that will drive you to do what it takes to achieve what you truly want.

Therefore, you're more inclined to do the following:

You can either lower your standards, or raise the bar.

The biggest complain we hear from guys is, "I can't get laid, nobody wants to sleep with me!"

That couldn't be further from the truth.

Literally every guy can get laid, the problem is that their standards are too high.

If you're a 6, consider sleeping with a 4 or 5 - at least for casual sex. It can definitely give you experience by lowering the bar, and increase your sexual IQ, and therefore, confidence, in the long run.

Raising the bar means improving your looks. The single best thing that can give you the best return on investment for your looks is losing body fat.

Every guy has the potential of at least +2 points on the 1-10 scale. Most guys can achieve much more.

That and you're guaranteed to lose layers of fat around the base of your penis, effectively making it at least half an inch longer. And no one can argue against that having a larger penis size increases confidence.

So losing body fat increases confidence in multiple aspects. It's a bread and butter for self-improvement.

Be physically prepared for sex.

a fit man exercising

This point doesn’t need too much emphasis because it’s simple: men who are physically fit are more likely to be able to perform effectively during foreplay or sexual intercourse.

Being fit also helps with self-confidence, and may make a girl more attracted to you in the first place.

Thrusting for 30 minutes is not the same as masturbating for less than a minute.

Think about it.

Stroking the bone only to cum in 1 minute (or less) is way physically easier than moving your hips back and forth until you get her to orgasm.

There's no comparisson.

It's safe to say that masturbation does not provide you the skills needed in the bedroom and thus, contributes zero to bedroom confidence.

Do not fantasize about women to distort expectations.

Many times throughout my life I have seen a beautiful woman, and thought, "Wow, she’s so pretty. So pretty that she’d never think of dating me."

The truth is that most women, no matter how pretty, have deep insecurities about whom they are and how they look. Assuming that someone has everything together because of how they look is a rookie mistake.

The truth is that many women date and have sex with men who aren’t conventionally handsome— think Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin— and there are successful couples across the wide spectrum of personality and looks.

Once you realize that you can literally have anyone, it’s important to project that confidence. Don’t take it for granted that she’s sleeping with you, but also make her have the best experience of her life.

Sex is a great thing because it’s natural, and despite vaginal intercourse mostly being the same act from person to person, it’s uniquely personal. There’s always room to experiment, and it should always be fun!

I'm sure you can agree that guys with a bigger penis are naturally more confident during sex.

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