How to Have Sex to Make it Enjoyable for Both of You
Written by Chelsea on April 11, 2016
Knowing the right ways to be a beast in the sack is absolutely essential for every man. This goal is a lifelong pursuit, and no matter how knowledgeable you are, there’s always more to learn. From the virgin to the master of lovemaking, every guy has a few areas he can improve upon to become better at sex.
This could mean innovative positions, better techniques or simply learning the best ways to please a woman and allow her to let loose and go wild in the sack, leading to a better experience for both parties.
There’s a phase in every man’s life when the idea of sex itself is exciting enough, and the details don’t matter so much. This is not permanent. As you gain experience and grow older, quality sex requires more effort and knowledge, but what skill could be more fun to practice?
One of the best ways to improve your quality of sex is to try new things. This can mean switching up the positions, introducing games or toys, or even getting kinky with some role play. Introducing new and novel ideas to the experience will make sex a whole new world to explore.
The most important aspect of good or better sex is an attitude of curiosity and a willingness to try new things. Whether you’re new to this world or just looking to step up your existing sex game, there are some things every guy can benefit from trying.
First things first. As a man, the bedroom is the one place where finishing first is not the best policy. Most people would agree that finishing too early is one of the surest ways to feel insecure about your performance. If this concern applies to you, don’t worry, because I have some techniques to help you out:
- Read the Kama Sutra: This book outlines a technique for delaying ejaculation and consequently lasting longer in bed. This involves starting slow, with no more than one stroke (this means both the in and out motions) per three seconds. You can then increase the speed of the strokes gradually, working your way up over five minutes until your in-out strokes are one per second. If you start feeling as though you are going to bust a nut, pause for a moment, breathing deeply until you regain control, then start the process over.
- Shift Your Way of Thinking: Worrying about your sexual performance is the number one enemy of staying hard. You need to shift your way of thinking from an anxious inner-voice to a confident one. Having an insecure mindset is the best way to shut yourself down. Don’t allow that nonsense to get into your head! When you start feeling that anxiety try to take over, pause, take a deep breath, and focus on the physical sensations. This is a physical act afterall, not a mental one. Pay attention to how things feel, stay out of your head and get into your physical senses.
- Take It Slow: A lot of guys think that the key to good sex is pumping away as hard as he can, porn star style. While this can be nice too, it’s not the only way, and isn’t the best method for lasting long. Try taking your time instead. You can always increase intensity later on towards the end when you’re not worried about holding back from busting a nut.
- Add This Exercise to Your Workout Regimen: Working out your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle is a great way to gain longevity and increase confidence. This is the muscle that stretches from the anal region to the sphincter. Practice figuring out how to squeeze this area by attempting to pause your flow of urine mid-stream. You’ll know the muscle is activated once it happens. When you get the hang of this, start doing three sets a day, 15 repetitions each. This will help you pump yourself up for sex by increasing blood flow to your penis, which increases both the physical condition of the area and your confidence in general.
- Try the 7 and 9 Technique: This method involves going fast for 7 strokes and then slowing down for the next 9. This is a great rhythm for guys who have a bit of trouble lasting a while, and it’s also good for the girl since the rhythm is very stimulating.
- Switch It Up: If you find yourself feeling like you’re about to blow your load, the best thing to do is to alter your pace. This would be a good time to tease your partner a bit. Take your dick out and rub the head against her labia until you regain control. Teasing is a great way to keep her excited and wanting more. One technique to prevent premature ejaculation is called "Edging" which helps to last longer.
Now that we’ve covered some methods for making sure you can last as long as you’d like to, let’s get down to some specific instructions for building up the tension before the act. Everyone has heard that foreplay is important for the woman’s sexual experience, but it’s equally important for men to have the best sex possible. Read more about it here.
Taking the time to build up to your orgasms slowly means a more intense experience. This means refraining from going straight to the act of sticking the dick in the pussy. Having an intense make out session, taking your time with removing each other’s clothes, and even a bit of dry humping are all ways to build up this tension for the best release possible.
There’s no reason to rush. It’s a cliché thing to say, but it’s about the journey, not the destination. Not only will you have a more satisfying experience if you draw out the foreplay, but you’ll please the woman and make her want to come back to your bed again and again.
Once you’ve got the woman appropriately amped up for the world-rocking you’re about to bestow on her, let’s go over some fun and creative positions to try out that will give you the most satisfying experience in bed.
- The Chair-Straddle Position: This way of doing things will give you full body-on-body contact, which is exciting for both the man and the woman. It allows the girl a lot of control with her riding but gives you leverage and power as well with the chair beneath you. With this position, it’s more about the grinding than the pumping or thrusting, so it’s not quite as exhausting but equally stimulating. It’s a nice opportunity for the guy to catch his breath, prolong his orgasm, and get a nice look at the girl’s body. The visual aspect of sex is important to men, which you can read more about here, so that make’s the chair position a winner. It also provides direct clitoral stimulation for the woman, which she will love.
- The V Position: This position also provides a lot of visual stimulation for both parties. Make sure you’re both sitting up and facing each other, then have her put her legs around your body. Enter her, and both lean back, using your arms to support your bodies. The penetration is not as thorough with this position, but it’s mentally and visually appealing, and you can look at the reactions on her face as you wow her with your sexual prowess.
- Standing with Her Legs Over Your Shoulders: Have her lie down on her back on the bed with her ass just near the edge. Stand on the floor in front of her and lift her legs over your shoulders. You can use your hands and arms to support her body as you enter and start moving in and out. This is another great method for visual stimulation, since you’ll get to watch her tits bouncing and the reactions on her face. It also provides you with a good workout.
- Against the Wall: A lot of women enjoy being dominated. If that’s the case for the girl you’re with, turning her around and pressing her up against the wall will be greatly appreciated. This is great for spontaneous sex because a bed isn’t needed, and the thrill of spur-of-the-moment action increases intensity for both of you. This will give you the leverage necessary to get really deep and allow her to thrust against you as she pleases as well.
While it’s fun to try new and innovative positions, don’t underestimate the classics. They are classics for a reason. It’s not boring to have sex in the missionary position or doggy style, but there are a few things you can do to upgrade these familiar approaches and make them a bit more exciting and fulfilling.
How to Upgrade the Missionary Position:
- Move Up and Down Instead of Back and Forth: Typically thrusting in the missionary position is a back and forth motion, but it provides more clitoral stimulation if you move up and down.
- Put Her Legs Over Your Shoulders: Now this one requires that the girl is somewhat flexible, but it shouldn’t be an issue. When you’re on top of her, bring her legs up so that her knees are over your shoulders. You will be amazed at how deep you can go with this simple change, and she will love it. Since the penetration is so deep, you may want to take it slow at first to allow her time to get used to the added pressure.
- Hold Her Arms Down at Her Sides: Like I mentioned earlier, many women enjoy being dominated. You can read a study about that fact, here. This one is great if you’re getting down with a kinkier girl who fits that description. It can be both intimate yet rough at the same time. While you are fucking her in the missionary position, put your arms around her upper body so that her arms are locked in place. This gives her feeling of being dominated and can be very exciting for both of you.
How to Upgrade Doggy-Style:
- Take Her from Behind with Her Lying Flat: This one is my absolute favorite. It’s like doggy-style but instead of the girl being up on all fours, she lies on her stomach and you lie on top of her. This allows you to go as deep as possible and you can even reach your hand down to touch her clit as you’re thrusting. This will get many girls off quite easily.
- Hold Her Arms Behind Her Back: This one again is more appropriate for kinkier girls or the ones who like being dominated. You will kneel behind her and have her ass in the air, with her face and upper chest lying flat on the bed. Enter her and once you get into a rhythm, pull her arms behind her back and hold her wrists or hands together near her waist.
- This allows you to set the pace and exert your dominance: Make sure that you’re with someone who is comfortable with this position, since she’d be giving you full control. This gives you the relationship of dominator and dominated and is extremely thrilling.
For more details on why Doggy Style becomes so much more easier with a larger penis, feel free to check out this article.
Like I said earlier, there’s nothing wrong with sticking to the classics. Just make sure you’re throwing in something new to keep it interesting for both of you. Trying out the ideas that I outlined above will wow your partners and upgrade your status in the sack, increasing your confidence and overall attitude.
I hope that this article gave you some new ideas, techniques, and a renewed enthusiasm for becoming the best you can be in bed.
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