How to Be Good At Sex For Men - Tips for Biggest Impact
Written by Jeff Ferrara on June 26, 2016
Did you know as much as 1 in 3 women have trouble orgasming during sex? So you can take this two ways: You can either let your woman go orgasmless or you can man up and give her and yourself the sex you both deserve. Meet her halfway by getting really good at sex - you can do it.
So, I'm sure you've heard the usual tips: Get good at foreplay, don't cum early, etc. etc. Well this guide aims to give you actionable, practical advice on how to get good at sex by giving you tips, starting with the easiest ones that will give you the most benefit.
After that, we'll proceed to give the tips that will take some time to master, but will decrease in total benefit. This follows the 80-20 rule where 20% of your efforts will provide 80% of your results.
This is the fastest way to get good at sex for men.
So let's start with the first tip that will take you from a virgin-level to above average.
Minimize the number of times your dick slips out of her vagina.
Easiest thing you can do. When it slips out, it kills the vibe. This is especially a problem when you want to do it doggy style.
Aim to be a machine with your thrusting. Know with your current length, how far can you trust and pull out without slipping out completely?
While this becomes easier the more times you have sex, it helps to put some mental effort on this part for a few sex sessions. It only really takes 2 or 3 sessions to get it down, that's why we give this tip first as it's the easiest thing to improve with the most return.
Figuring out what she likes through body language.
You can either ask her directly or see how she responds to certain things. I suggest doing both.
Reading her body language
This is probabaly the most rewarding skill, especially in the bedroom setting. It's hard at first, especially if it's your first time having sex because there is simply so much going on.
So if it is your first time, simply make it your goal to get it done - even if you're dead on arrival, you'll have taken the biggest step, even though it's 100% likely that you won't be good your first time, I know I wasn't.
To read her body language, you need to listen to her, make her moan, see how her body responds to certain stimulations.
What angle does she like when you stick your penis inside her?
Vibe. What it is, and how to detect it.
Vibe is a tricky thing to teach. It's all about sensing what's going on around you and taking actions to maintain the vibe and lead to escalation.
Vibe is understanding how she's feeling and syncing with it.
Does she want to go fast? Is she starting off slow instead? Is she wild during sex? Does she prefer to be a little silly? Is she submissive? Innocent? What kind of vibe is she emitting?
Yes, you have to take charge at certain points, but if you're forcing things to happen - that's not vibing with her. It doesn't work if she's playing the innocent type but you're going hardcore BDSM on her. A more passionate, approach might work better.
Form - What is it? And why should I care?
Form in it's simplest explanation is sequence of beginning, middle, and end.
Therfore, when applied to being good at sex, it means foreplay, sex, and the orgasm (climax).
Master all three of these parts of sex and you'll be indisputably good at sex.
It's also good to frame sex in these three parts because you can take a look at the vibe and performance during each phase and ask yourself if you're actually doing good.
One easy way to tell is if the vibe during these sexual timeframes is maintained. Is it awkward? Was she moaning a lot? Could she not wait to get her clothes off? Was she immediately begging you to do it harder/faster?
Have a general plan with how to escalate.
Sounds a bit ridiculous, planning ahead right? After all, Hollywood has told us that the best sexual encounters are those that are spontaneous and improvised.
Further from the truth, this universal view has distorted how to be good at sex and the reason why sex is so underwhelming for the majority of people.
Instead look to porn. That's right you heard me right - porn.
Porn has all the scenes and sequences planned out on the drawing board: foreplay, blowjob, sex, cumshot - the standard.
You can take this template and tweak it to how you and your partner prefer - maybe throw in some anal?
Get an idea for how long each segment should be, for example, you don't want to do a 20 minute blowjob unless she's really into that.
Ultimately, you don't have to plan out the sequences to the dime, but just be aware that you should switch to something else to ensure positive escalation with the ultimate goal being her climax.
Sticking to a timeline that doesn't drag out helps with this immensely.
Lube - The single biggest tool that will not kill your escalation and rhythm.
Lube is hands down, the single most useful tool when it comes to sex. It allows you to maintain and increase escalation.
Don't think of it has a handicap to having sex, think of it more as a tool that will help you achieve your goal (her climax) more efficiently.
It's a major lifesaver if she's going dry because when she goes dry, it will physically hurt to slide your penis in and out of her.
Her going dry may not necessarily mean she's losing arousal, in fact, it could be because she's getting nervous or there's some anxiety involved.
At the intense moments, keep doing what works.
One reason guys fail to do this is because they simply aren't paying attention to their partner and not tuning in to their partner's body language and sexual response.
We already know it's hard to make women orgasm, so why make it more harder on yourself? Do what works.
If there's something that you're doing that's making her escalate, simply keep doing it. Don't worry about getting her off early, women can orgasm as much as 15 times during a sex session - they're different from men who most of the time can only orgasm once, maybe twice.
Talking dirty to her.
This one is really hard for guys to get down. That's because you've probably been brought up decently so it's unnatural to do this if you're not used to it.
Even worse, is if you try and you feel uncomfortable saying dirty things, your partner can tell that you're forcing yourself and it defeats the purpose of even talking dirty - to get her aroused mentally.
Not to mention they don't teach you how to talk dirty in school.
Foolproof things to say and how to say it.
One big step is to find lines that you feel comforable saying and stick with them. They will be your bread and butter. Yes, it feels strange thinking of "lines" or a "script" to dirty talk, but once you become familiar with them, they'll be your trusty pistols that will kill her in the bedroom.
You can use these basic lines for your dirty talk without calling her a "bitch".
- "You like that?"
- "How does that feel?"
- "Right there?"
- "You're so sexy."
- "You're really turning me on."
You can also whisper into her ear your dirty talk
Whispering into her ear makes it more sensual and it also allows you to do dirty talk without having to say it very loud.
This is especially if you are a little bit more self-conscious.
It's also how you say it that matters.
Getting your favorite things to say during sex is half the battle.
Now you need to practice actually saying it.
The best way to practice saying it is to record yourself saying it - that's right, record yourself. Then play it back to yourself and listen to it. I'm going to be you're going to hate what you hear.
If you do, that's because there's still hints of unnaturalness to your dirty talk. And she's going to hear that.
Also, it will sound weird at first to hear your own voice because how it sounds to you when you talk normally compared to when it's played back to you has to do with bone-conduction acoustic properities in your ear.
So after you get used to the natural sound of your voice, try to slightly tweak it to something you're ok with and then focus on the vigor behind each sex line that you plan on using. Don't focus too much on the natural sound of your voice - you can't change it, but it doesn't mean you're doomed to poor dirty talk.
If you absolutely cannot get yourself to talk dirty during sex, do this:
Try sexting. If you cannot do sexting, then you definitely cannot do dirty talk.
So it's the first, crucial step to take to get out of your comfort zone.
Get the lines you want to say from above and simply text it to her around 4pm any day of the week. 4pm is a good time because they're getting off work and ready to unwind - in other words, they'll be more receptive to it.
We'll add more tips if we think they are worth your while, but make sure to get good at the ones above because these are the ones that will make you that much better with the least effort.
So focus on these things we mentioned above:
- Prevent your dick from slipping out frequently.
- Read her body language (watch and listen to how she responds)
- Aim for escalation and form by creating "events" in your sex session.
- Use lube to keep escalation and the vibe up.
- Keep doing what works - especially when she's about to orgasm.
- Talk dirty to her. Have an idea of your lines and practice what you're going to say so it sounds natural.
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