How to Have First Time Sex - For Men

Written by Jeff Ferrara on June 12, 2016

man holding an opened condom

Trust me, I know what you're going through.

Whether you're 18 or 42, I know what you're going through.

It seems like everyone has already done it already and it feels as if you're way behind. Also, you're afraid that if by some miracle you happen to have sex, you're going to be terrible.

These feelings of anxiety and uncertainty are paralyzing and freeze you from taking any significant action.

Every year that passes, you vow to yourself, this will be the year that I have sex. This will be the year that I lose the V-card.

I'm glad you're here reading this article, some guys simply go into denial and completely give up trying to have sex at all. This is very unnatural. When we were living in the jungle thousands of years ago, sex wasn't meant to be feared, tigers and other predators were. Sex was a means of survival - the continuation of our species and family.

Additionally, the rise of the feminist agenda in the past decade have really made men feel guilty for even touching women, a completely natural part of the human experience.

Big thing to understand: You're going to be bad at it.

Once you get this into your head, you'll be so much closer to losing that V-card.

Why will you be closer? Well because the anxiety (and for some, fear) of doing it badly deters you from even trying. Next thing you know, years past with no sex, and what's even worse, you don't even try.

That takes me to my next point: If you really try to lose your virginity, you will do it.

Get rid of the "save yourself for marriage" mentality.

Now you may not be 100% religious, otherwise, you wouldn't be reading this article to begin with, right?

This point is for those that were raised with a religious upbringing, whether it be devout catholic to casual protestant.

It's been drilled in your mind by society that having sex before marriage is bad. It's not like the instant you have sex before marriage, God will come down and smite you. Nor will there be any guilt slowly killing you.

The first time I had sex, it was liberating.

And my first time was nothing to brag about either.

If you don't have sex, you're the first in your thousands of ancestor generations to not have sex.

In fact, you can think of it this way: If you don't have sex at all in your life, you'll be the first in your line of ancestors, a line that goes back to cavemen times, to not have sex.

You can use this to convince yourself that sex is perfectly normal and healthy and no amount of religion should stop you from having it.

Pornography has drastically skewed our perception of what regular sex is like.

Porn is another reason why you're going to be bad at sex.

Our perception of what normal sex is like has been so twisted and warped from watching porn that it sets the expectations of it too high.

While there are benefits to limiting the amount of porn you watch, the main point to understand is that real life sex is practically a completely different experience that watching porn.

Everything is different. The pace, the intamacy, the sense of touch, the emotion, the visuals.

What if she's a virgin too?

If she's a virgin that's great! Most guys would love to have sex with a virgin. Some actually don't - these are the ones that have sex regularly and prefer one more experienced.

However, every guy who plans to have a decent, active sex life should experience a female virgin at least once in their lifetime. There's just a type of innocence with her that can really get some guy's off.

What if she's experienced?

Trust me, if she likes you enough to take off all her clothes in front of you, she's not going to really care that much about what happens.

It's only if you consistently deliver bad sex events that she may reconsider. Most girls definitely don't care what happens the first time that they have sex with a guy - they're testing it out with you.

My first-time sex experience and what it was like before and after.

This is my first-time sex experience, what it was like, and what was going through my mind during the different phases. I expect yours will be extremely similar.

Before having sex

So the first time I had sex, was through my efforts to meet a girl online. See our guide on how to use Tinder to use this modern method to hook up with and date women in general.

I decided to set my goal on simply having sex for the sole purpose of losing my virginity because I realized that dating (and courting) a girl was much different than trying to have sex.

Long story short, I was very honest with my intentions with the girls I was communicating with on Tinder that I only wanted sex.

If you decide to do this method, you might have to set your standards a little lower - don't expect 8's and higher to give you some, unless you're also above their league. Yes, you heard me correctly, you have to be above their looks and coolness, because girls always date "up" especially online. So she's a 8, you have to be a 9 or higher.

There's nothing wrong with setting your standards a little lower - after all, we've already told you, your first time is not going to be the best experience of your life. If you feel like you didn't do that good after your first-time sex, that's completely normal.

So with this mentality, she texted me to come over, and to bring some condoms (just carry 3 in your wallet). At the time, I had decent confidence, and came to terms with and convinced myself that this may not go as well as I might like.

The point is, these fears and anxieties didn't stop me from going over to her place. You sort of have to desensitize yourself to the result, whether it's going to be good or bad.

During the foreplay

So, I'm sure we've heard time and time again how important foreplay is.

That's true, but the usage of foreplay has been a little over-emphasized. That is, foreplay is just one stage in the grander scheme of things called escalation.

The biggest mistakes that most guys will make their first time is overdoing the foreplay. You're doing all this kissing and touching and not escalating at all.

One problem is that you don't know what to do next.

Just for a general rule of thumb, don't go more than 10 minutes of foreplay.

For me, any nervousness that I had died down at this point.

After the foreplay

Once you stick it in, you're going to do the most obvious thing: move it back and forth.

When it comes to sex, both girl or guy can take responsibility for the movement. Some sex positions are more accomodating to both people moving.

I'm here to let you know that it's not going to be as smooth as they do it in porn movies and clips that you've seen. It takes practice and you have zero experience.

Just try your best and try to read her moans and what makes her feel good and stick with it.

Also try to keep your penis inside - there's nothing worse than having your penis slip out every 10 thrusts. In regards to this "slip-out" problem, we've detailed why increasing shaft length makes sex a whole lot easier in general.

How to prepare for your first time

So we already mentioned that you're going to be bad at your first time at sex, most likely terrible.

That's not your fault, there's just certain details and intricancies that no amount of text that I type will help you - only experience bestow this knowledge upon you.

But there are somethings that you can learn ahead of time and prevent you from being completely lost when it's time to have first-time sex.

For example, you may want to take some phenibut before sex to kill your anxiety and put you in the mood.

What you'll probably get wrong and what you can't get right, simply because it's your first time.

Taking her bra off.

Unless you're a transvestite, chances are you've never put on or taken off a bra in your life.

And that poses a challenge. If you want to get this right, probably the only thing you can do is buy a bra for the sole purpose of practicing. That, or struggle until she does it herself.

I know my first time, the later happened.

Not knowing what sex positions to use.

Not knowing how to make her orgasm.

I highly doubt that your first time having sex, you will make her orgasm.

That's one big thing you have to understand - women reach orgasm very differently than guys. Guys can get off in less than a minute if they really wanted to. Girls (due to biology) achieve their orgasms with lots of mental aspects (foreplay and escalation are big contributors).

Combine this difficulty with the fact that you'll probably not going to get certain things right during your first time sex, you should be surprised and bash yourself if you can't get her to orgasm.

Not lasting long enough / not being able to finish

All those of years of watching porn have really screwed up your sexual health.

Not knowing who should move

Your sexual rhythm and smoothness is going to be at beginner level. There's no denying this.

That's completely normal, it's not like there was a class in high school or university that taught you how to have sex.

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