How to Fix When Your Wife Has No Sex Drive

Written by Jeff Ferrara on September 23, 2016

You work hard.

If you're like me and most other men, when I come home from work, I want nothing more than to have a good meal, have some good downtime, and **** my wife (or girlfriend) - to put it bluntly.

However, your reality is that she isn't having sex with you anymore - that's why you're here.

Let's analyze the possible reason why, but more importantly - how to fix it.

Lack of sex drive and libido is usually due to these following factors:

If she's suffering from some of the following health conditions, I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be an uphill battle and there's no shortcut.

But usually, it's the case that she needs you more than you need her.

Is she overweight?

Weight issues affect self-esteem and mental health.

The fascinating thing about weight issues is that it's a physical health issues that affects the mental.

In fact, it's so closely bound to mental health that it could even been considered a mental health issue.

Motivation is key within any weight-loss endeavor. And that motivation needs to come from within the individual.

Sure, we can give you the actionable steps on how to lose weight, particularly body fat,, but manifesting the motivation is much more powerful and valuable than simply knowing how to lose the weight.

A supportive husband, "kicking her ass into shape" with a healthy, caring, charismatic dose of channeling Chris Powell on your part will do the trick.

Remember, it won't be easy - but your wife will thank you when it's all said and done.

Also, a quick note - it goes both ways. Are you overweight? You have to fix that as well. Apply the same methodolgy I just laid out for you.

chris powell

Does she have low self-esteem?

Visual signals like being overweight are signs of her having depression or lack of self-esteem.

Is her mood always poor?

Does she sleep for more than 10 hours every day?

Is there a change in her personality over time?

Does she smile anymore?

Relationships are not easy. That's a given. However, if the negatives outweigh the benefits, we need to take a closer look at the relationship and first identify if there's any depression involved.

I will next go over how to handle it properly with professional help.

Is she depressed? A therapist is probably needed.

This may also be related to her self-esteem.

Is there no passion in her life anymore?

Does she have hobbies that she used to have and you don't see her tending to them anymore?

Depression is something that needs to be cured with the help of professionals - therapists, doctors, and psychologists.

What a therapist will do is they will not prescribe and tell the patient what to do, but rather ask questions to have the patient come to make a decision to take action themselves.

After they get the gist of what the patient is experiencing, they will try to ask questions to help the patient reveal their inner feelings to help them come to certain realizations.

That is, a therapist will not tell your wife (or you) exactly what to do.

See, the power of getting action done (and ultimately, finding a solution), is more powerful when it is motivated by the person themselves.

That is what therapists do and how they can help - it's extremely effective.

Regardless, the support of a loving person will always be better than no support at all.

Is she stressed? Where is that stress coming from?

a husband and wife arguing in the bedroom.

Ok, so what if she's not clinically depressed?

Ok, you're pretty confident that she's not depressed.

You guys get along great, there are minimal arguments, but she won't put out for you, or she never seems motivated to have sex.

That means you're starting at a zero-zero game, not starting from behind and trying to repair something that's broken (like the physical and mental health issues described above).

Is she at a point in her life where work is her top priority?

Again, I can't answer this question for you - I can just give you the question and you have to find the answer yourself.

You can simply ask her, or observe her actions to get a vibe as to whether this is true or not.

Does she always take her phone calls, emails, or texts that are work related?

Will she drop everything that she's doing to tend to these work-related tasks?

When you talk to her, does she complain about work or bring up work a lot?

If these answers are yes, in general, work is definitely on her mind a lot. And when it is, her sex drive can potentially take a backseat.

But believe, it or not, sex can difuse a lot of the stress from work so this should motivate you even more to try and instill the physical passion in your relationship.

We'll go over how to do this in the article, soon.

You will have to instill that passion within her.

There's two ways you can look at this situation: positve and negative.

I get it, you have a shitty situation - your wife doesn't want to have sex with you. It sucks.

But you can either pout about it or try to do something to change that.

Remember, sex is healthy and actually healing when it comes to mental health.

So you wanting to have sex with your wife is not a bad thing.

But simply wanting it is not going to change anything - following actionable steps, a.k.a, "doing something" will.

Here are some steps you can take to work with her to try and get her to have sex with you again.

  • Relationships are two-way streets. Compromise is necessary. Start by explaining to her how horny she makes you. Ask her what she thinks about it.

  • After understanding where both of you are coming from, start off by doing things that would please her - dinner dates, buying her gifts, mutual massage. However, establish that you want something in return with a simple, playful, (not condescending) reminder of why you're doing it, and/or why she should appreciate it.

  • You have to find out what she really wants - you can't half-ass doing things for her or do things she doesn't give a damn about. In fact, you only have to do one thing she really likes, not 3 or 5.

  • "Doing things for her" can be as simple as complimenting her on her clothes or her hair. It just matters if she truly views the action as valuable to her. Don't waste time on things "basic bitches" like if she's not into it.

  • However, it just so happens that the chances of dinner dates, massages, and treats, generally appeal to women, so it doesn't hurt to start there. Play the probabilities first.

Increasing your Sex IQ

It could very well be that you're simply not that good at sex and she has lost the interest in it.

a wife who is not satisfied with the sex with her husband.

Don't worry most guys aren't, and it's not their fault - they literally don't teach you how to have sex in high school.

Remember, give her a good reason to keep her coming back to you for pleasure.

We won't go over every single detail on how to become the sex god that you never were, here, but here are the links to the definitive guides on sex.

Sex IQ is one thing, but sheer size downstairs can help you in more ways than imagine - the most reported effect being increased confidence (mental masculinity).

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