How to Improve Self-Esteem - A Guide for Men, by Men

Written by Jeff Ferrara on June 26, 2016


man with high self-esteem

What is self-esteem, and why is it important? Self esteem is how much you value yourself. It's important because it affects your happiness and confidence in every aspect of your life.

Self-esteem for men is a little different than what it is for women. With men, a lot of our self-esteem is based on how successful we are. It's what gives us our masculinity - what defines us as men.

When men think of success, many things come to mind - money, women, status, friends, family. Also don't forget looks and body.

The easiest test to test your self-esteem: When you look in the mirror, are you proud of what you see? If there are any feelings of doubt - you may have a self-esteem problem.

See, you're honest with yourself and that's honorable. So many guys go through life trying to fake their happiness, that they get so pissed off when they see another guy succeeding and doing well for themself.

Work on yourself. Do you. And reap the benefits for the rest of your life - we're going to show you how and it all starts with improving your self-esteem.

Improving self-esteem doesn't happen in one day.

If you're looking for a shortcut to improving your self-esteem. You might as well hit the back button on your browser right now.

Therre is no shortcut to improving self-esteem.

You have to be in it for the long-haul.

That's why so many guys with deep depression find it so hard to dig themselves out. It's also why the guys that hit rock-bottom are able to spring back - there's no choice to go but up.

Money

money falling from the sky in a city

The number one rule of making money: No one will tell you how to make money.

Once you get this fact through your head, you'll understand the secret to making money: Trying infinitely many things until something works and you stick with it.

That's also why you'll need to take some risks (ideally small ones) to find out what doesn't work. Once that's done, change your methodology.

Sure, you can read tons of books on sales, stocks, and finance, but there's vast amounts of knowledge that's gained when you drop, say $100 on ads and see whethere there was a return on investment.

If you develop a tolerence to risk, apply reasonable intelligence, and keep trying something new when something doesn't work, you'll succeed with money for the simple reason that in the end (eventually), you'll get it right.

If this video doesn't motivate you, nothing will.


Let's put it this way, if you have a 1% chance of succeeding, statistically, you only need to try 100 times and you'll succeed. Once you hit that point of success, you scale and milk that cash flow dry.

Women

Women can detect your self-esteem through the vibe that you give off. This vibe is portrayed through your body language.

The difficulty when flirting and meeting women is that if you fail to get their number (which should be your primary goal after every new interaction), you won't really know what went wrong.

You start to ask an infinite number of questions (most of which are pointless - "Was my hair straight? Was there something in my teeth?, etc., etc.") and that starts to take a hit to your self-esteem.

If you aren't even at the point of being able to comfortably talk to random women that you meet throughout the day, most likely, your self-esteem is already low.

Our biggest advice when it comes to male self-esteem and women:

Don't focus on women for self-esteem.

Yes, women can give you tons of self-esteem, especially if you're with a sexy latina or a cute blonde.

a sexy latina girl
a cute blonde girl

But, think of being with women as a secondary form of self-esteem to get down the road. Chances are you're not quite there yet.

There's an incredible self-esteem risk with women, and if you're too fragile (it's ok, we're here to grow together), then you're just going to keep punching yourself in the face if you don't experience any success with the ladies.

Instead: Focus on other sources of self-esteem and building your self-worth through other methods all of which are discussed in this article. Then, come back to game when your finances, status, job, are in stable condition. It's called getting your priorities straight and this is the single most efficient thing you can do - focusing on other things besides women for self-esteem.

Status

a man with high status, suit, and car

Status can help improve your self-esteem, so keep working on it given the setting that you're in - whether it be charity to corporate, if it's something you enjoy doing, there's definitely no downside to pursuing status.

However, there's a more powerful form of self-esteem that is status-independent.

That is simply not caring what other people think.

This is a trickly slope to understand but to narrow it down a bit, it means being truly independent.

Obviously you need to groom, shave, and take a shower to sell yourself to the ladies - you can't be smelling like a bum and expect to have success with women.

But self-esteem through independence means taking control of your life and living it on your terms.

By not caring what other people think, other people can't decrease your self-esteem.

This is the biggest benefit to developing a truly independent mindset.

You're freeing yourself from the shackles of how you restrain yourself because of what other people may think.

This doesn't mean you have to be a 100% asshole, you can still show compassion to others, and take care of your mom, but it also means that you develop a strengthful charisma that adds to your self-esteem.

Others will look at you differently, and most will respect you. If you treat a person kindly, but they respect your strength (your looks, game, money, and other things you've been working on), then that is none other than charisma - an extremely rare trait that men would kill to have.

Charisma snowballs and breeds more self-esteem. When people like you due to your demeanor, you can't help but feel good about yourself.

Friends - True friends, not those that you wear as badges.

These are friends that you're proud to have.

They say that you are a byproduct of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. So do you hang out with guys just to boost your self-esteem, or are they truly your friends?

The simple fact of the matter is, true friends are extremely hard to come by.

Why should I care about "true friends"? Isn't having a decent number of good friends enough?

It's fine to have a good number of acquaintances. But don't give them the ease of slipping into your "true friends" category so quickly.

Acquaintances come and go. It's said that the average American worker changes jobs at least 8 times in their lifetime. If you consider these people true friends, prepare to lose the time and energy investing in these people.

What is a true friend?

We would estimate that it would take you 5 years of knowing a person before you can truly call them a true friend.

Within these 5 years, you should be judging their actions and determining how they fit into your life.

Here are some characterisitcs of a true friend.

  • A true friend is building their own profile and doesn't leech off your profile.
  • A true friend corrects you when you're wrong.
  • A true friend understands that lasting friendships are based off good business, not the other way around.
  • True friends doesn't need to hang out with you every weekend. Once a month is more than enough. You both are hustling to build your net worth.
  • A true friend doesn't compete against you, but competes to match your level.

Family

Do your parents consider you a failure? Do you have immediate family (brother, sister, mom, dad) that you can rely on when things go to shit? Can they rely on you without them having to beg all the time? Are you proud to help your family because they aren't deadbeats?

Drop the deadbeats.

Sounds harsh, but it's true. Not only will these people bring you down emotionally (and affect your self-esteem), but they also will waste your time, effort and money.

This is not to be confused with your immediate family that just aren't accustomed to the go-getter lifestyle that we're trying to teach you, it's more for the individuals that are actively trying to drag you down.

For example, if you have a dad or any family member that is a drug addict and is always asking for cash. While it's hard to completely erase these people from your life, you may find it reasonable to be completely stern and honest that you're not going to put up with their shit and act on it.

Penis size.

Every man wishes that they had a large penis. If not large, at least above average - or not small.

It's no secret why - having a large penis is a powerful source of self-esteem and confidence. After all, nobody can take that from you. It also helps with the women department.

Nobody has ever heard of a woman or girl that wants a small penis. The only exception is if the girl is very small (~5' 2") compared to her male partner (> 6'), and even then, this case is extremely rare.

Penis size is 100% possible, but takes a lot of work like money.

Most guys that undergo penis enlargement, whether it be through manual stretching, jelqing, or penis extender devices, typically stick to a 12 - 24 week regimen, depending on what their actual goals are.

For some people this is hard to do, but there's a world truth at play here: If you have sufficient motivation and application, nothing is impossible.

The keyword here is sufficient.

That's because you can physically put a time period for penis enlargement - 24 weeks.

For something like becoming a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, well that probably takes 100+ hours a week and not making a lot of mistakes. The point is if you sufficiently meet the time and effort requirements, you'll succeed.

Although it takes time to see results, the difficulty to accomplish enlargement is actually really low.

That's because all you have to do is stretch, jelq, and repeat these exercises over the course of weeks.

The exercises don't change, you're never hit with a new difficulty that you have to think and find a solution for.

Contrast this to making money where you constantly run into new challenges like trying to drive traffic, trying to discover new marketing channels, trying to increase your conversion rates, or even trying to figure out why something isn't working and what you can do instead.

This takes a lot of frustration through blood, sweat, and tears - penis enlargement does not. Just do penis enlargement consistently and get the results.

Body

How you look is a huge self-esteem factor for women. But don't discredit the fact that it can deeply affect guys too.

Just like all the other major factors that improve self-esteem, body is something that won't happen overnight.

When you have low self-esteem, you eat poorly

Diet is responsible for 80% of your results.

"You are what you eat." Nothing truer has ever been spoken.

In fact, diet is so important that if you had a perfect one that you stick to,

Diet is the single biggest challenger of discipline of all time.

How many times have you had the need to get a "fix" for a burger or shake?

How well do you think you can control your urges for sugar? Do you think you can go without milk?

Can you find it in yourself to cook your own meals at least 5 times a week?

These are all the hard discipline questions that are going to hit you if you decide to tackle your diet seriously. They're also all the reasons why guys fail with diet.

They end up cooking, but their meals taste bad, so after 2 or 3 days, they go back to burgers and fries.

Based on personal experience, here's a quick an dirty list on how to be discliplined with your diet (after failing many times):

  • Suppress appetite with chewing gum - for guys looking to lose fat.
  • When cooking, cook in bulk meals - enough for at least 6 meals. This will cut out 83% of the effort it takes to cook otherwise.
  • Count your daily Caloric intake down to the nearest hundred - counting every single Calorie is not practical and not even accurate.
  • It's completely worth it to spend more than average on a healthful meal that's cooked for you. You're trading $ for time saved and healthful benefits.
  • The simplest way to eat an apples is to cut it in half, once. It is a super effcient method to prepare one of the most beneficial fruits.
  • Blueberries are a fantastic choice because they take zero effort to prepare and have tons of healthful benefits. Buy the bulk frozen packs, not the fresh ones.

2 keys to diet: Macronutrient % breakdown and daily caloric intake

Your voice and how it sounds can psychologically affect how you feel about yourself.

a man with something wrong with his throat

I know that when I heard my voice for the first time, I was horrified at how it sounded.

Everytime I heard my voice whether it be on a video or voice recording, it was a cringy reminder of how bad I really sounded.

I just wish, I was born with a slightly better voice - I would have been perfectly fine with average, as I wasn't planning to go into radio or make podcasts.

If you were (or still are) like I was - unsatisfied by how you sound - you can be bet that it's affecting your self-esteem.

Not only that, but it's also preventing you from taking social risks and putting yourself out there to meet new people, both men and women.

Things that kill your self-esteem

There are many things that can decrease your self-esteem and a lot of them are recurring.

Some of these are hard to detect and the sooner you identify them, the quicker you can completely remove them from your life to stop weighing you down.

Knowledge is power here and here is a short list that may be affecting your self esteem.

  • Comparing yourself to others. Massive time-waster. You can only control what you do.
  • Longing for the past. Delete anyone off your contacts who says their life was better 10 years ago.
  • Surrounding yourself with deadbeats. "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future." -- Dan Pena (The 50 Billion Dollar Man)

Which ones apply to you? Get rid of them immediately. By doing so this is the fastest changes you can make to making your self-esteem result in a net positive.


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