How to Talk to Girls… and What NOT to Say

Written by Samantha on March 6, 2016

a man and woman chatting on a park bench

You’re not alone when it comes to being a man that is not able to talk smoothly to girls.

You see them, and they see you but coming up with the courage needed to say something to them is daunting and it might make your palms just a little sweaty.

If this is you, then familiarize yourself with some of the rules on how to talk to girls, and what you might not want to say to them.

This can make or break your chances, so play it cool and remember these tips.

Being a woman, I know when a man is having a hard time finding the right words to say over those that are calm, collected and interested enough to pull himself together and take the leap to speak to me.

After all, why are you here in the first place and staring is just plain awkward.

Confidence is Key

a confient, well-dressed businessman

Confidence is a big key factor when talking to ladies.

The good thing is that when you muster up the courage to talk to a woman, she immediately associates that with some degree of confidence.

You need to be sure of yourself, of what you do and of who you are.

Girls do not want to speak to a guy that knows nothing about himself, and hasn’t figured out his own life.

This is just extra baggage that is not worth taking on.

Looking good can increase your confidence in yourself.

It can make you feel like you’re dressed to impress.

When you impress yourself before going out, you’re more than likely going to impress her when it comes time to talk to her.

You'll be glad to know that it doesn't take that much effort (or even money) to look above the average joe.

Practice smiling, and talking to yourself in the mirror before you go.

I know this sounds cliche, but if you’re more comfortable with who you are, and the way you talk without tripping over your words, you will have a bit more confidence when talking to her.

Alcohol can give a slight boost, but don't rely on it.

Grab some liquid courage while you’re there, but not too much because who knows what you might say next, and no woman likes a man that is overly drunk and falling everywhere.

You need to know how to talk to girls, and not how to fall all over them in a sloppy state.

Your Looks Matters More Than You Think

a happy couple in public

Did you know that it takes humans less than a twentieth (1/20) of a second to create a first impression?

This also means that your success may be determined before you even open your mouth.

Girls will decide whether or not they want to talk to you within the few seconds of seeing you when you walk over to them.

Depending on how you hold yourself, on how you’re dressed and of course, how you look.

So, let’s not dress homeless and actually look sharp and put together when you go out and have the opportunity to speak to women.

How to Sell Yourself When Starting to Talk to Her

Talking to a woman and getting her to hook up or date you is all about selling yourself.

That's the reason why celebrities can make people so infatuated with them when they're seen in person.

They have created a brand around their persona that people instantly recognize and are drawn to.

However, most likely you do not have that luxury. After all you're just some joe that is approaching her - she has no idea who you are or what you're about.

So now it's time to sell yourself.

The number one rule in selling? Appeal to the benefits that the customer truly desires.

One way to do this is that when you talk to her, do not be all about yourself - remember you need to address her needs not yours.

This isn't beta male behavior, it's just how humans work and this is how you play the game and win.

So talking only about yourself comes off as being a real ass.

Instead, you want to be confident, as mentioned above, but also hold yourself in a confident way.

You have to really show that you want to speak to her, get to know her and that you’re willing to do what it takes.

Body Language and Getting Physical is Practically Required

Holding yourself awkwardly is not going to win you a prize when learning how to talk to girls.

Make sure to have a straight back, great smile and even being a little touchy feeling is okay - it's not sexual assault.

In fact it's highly recommended.

In fact, touching her is highly recommended to get feedback and see how she responds.

Just as long is not inappropriate (use common sense) - for example, place your hand on her lower back and see if she pulls back or lets you leave your hand there.

Swoop in and win her over, and this can be done without even saying anything.

Between the body language and your confidence, she can decide right then and there that she has to get to know you.

Know What to Say

a man talking to a woman on the street

One of the biggest troubles that I find men having is that they do not know what to say to girls, without them sounding boring (or cheesy) and this can get easier.

Losing your game somewhere in the mix can also be a problem, since you might end up rambling on about something she has no interest in, and you do not want her wondering what you’re trying to get at.

Don’t let this be you...

The mix of being interesting, intriguing and entertaining (humor) is something guys should keep in mind.

They do not want to hear about your boring office job, or how you like to collect cats (unless she is most definitely a cat lover), and they want to know that you want to know more about them.

This balance between the three can be done easily, and effectively.

Jokes are good to put out there once in a while, but you want to tone them down and not be rude with them, as well as being more mature with the ones you choose to say.

Going with something you learned in the 8th grade is probably not going to win you any points.

As far as jokes are concerned there's one easy ratio to memorize to determine how effective it will be.

That is: funniness = quality of punchline / time it take to tell the joke

For example: A five minute joke about something your co-worker said is risky. A 5 second witty comment about someone you guys see on the street is perfect.

It is highly recommended to do short jokes over the longer drawn out ones. The longer ones are more risky. The shorter ones can help build your success slowly and steadily with little risk.

Even if a shorter joke fails, they're much easier to bounce back from.

Stories are also as good, and if you have some good ones about yourself, then you can throw these in there.

Make sure they're entertaining, and true. Make her laugh, make her attentive, make sure she wants to listen to you while you’re telling the story.

You can even ask: "Do you want hear a story?" Better to play it safe, and if she seems reserved, change the conversation and say, "Maybe another time." Believe it or not, this stuff is all about common sense - the thing is guys overthink it.

Play to your strengths, if your funny - use it. If you're a good storyteller, pull one out of the stash to tell.

If not, work on it later - they are useful skills. Just don't knowingly be trying to tell jokes and stories, especially if you know you need work on them.

Ask questions. I cannot stress this enough. Women love when a guy wants to know more about her, and genuinely wants to know. You should always be attentive and interested in what she has to say, but do not be overly attentive, since this can lead to obsession or desperation.

Make sure you listen, ask questions, laugh and show true interest.

Give her plenty of clean, genuine, elegant compliments. You do not want to be overly rude, or raunchy when giving compliments.

Being polite, sincere and clean with them can really get you in the sweet zone.

Knowing she has beautiful eyes, legs or a laugh that lights up a room are great ways to show her you’re into her, but without being overly nasty.

The nasty can come later on.

DO NOT Say These...

This shouldn’t have to be said, but I will make sure to say it again since more and more guys seem to think it is okay to do.

Do NOT use cheesy pick up lines. They almost never work, unless the girl is desperate.

You want a girl that finds you attractive, stimulating, interesting and even a bit complicated. They like surprises, and unmasking you is one of them.

The cheesy pick up line is not going to get you anywhere, so make sure to leave it at the door.

Never turn this into a rude, argumentative and nasty encounter. You want to be sure to show off who you are in a confident manner, but not in a cocky one.

Girls like confident, not so much cocky. Girls also like when they are in control, and they know you’re into them.

So if you start making it seem like you’re on the top, at all times, and that you need the lime light, at all times, she is not going to want to talk to you.

Then, it is game over.

Same goes for you, after chatting with the girl, ask yourself, am I still interested in this girl?

If you're a bit turned off, say "Thanks for the chat, and good night!".

This is not a loss, this is completely alpha male mentality - alphas do whatever they hell they want.

If they don't like the girl, then they move on to the next one.

Therefore, you have to find a nice balance between selling yourself to her, and addressing your own needs as well.

Don’t point out their flaws when you’re talking to them.

This can, not only make them insecure, but it can make you into an asshole.

This is not how you want the night to go.

Instead, focus only on her good qualities, the ones you like about her and make sure she knows you like them.

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