How to Get Out of the Friend Zone and Make Her Chase You Instead

Written by Jeff Ferrara on September 16, 2016

a man stuck in the friend zone, trying to get out of it.

Friend zone is a source of frustration for a lot of guys - especially when they put in a lot of time and effort with the girl.

If you have been friend-zoned, it's time to rethink your strategy and methodology.

This guide will give you a fresh perspective on how you conduct yourself, with the goal of escaping the friend-zone.

The current dynamic of your friend zone relationship.

You're kind, and drawn to her, and she decides to keep you around.

Why wouldn't she?

You do stuff for her, she doesn't even need to ask. You keep doing things and act as if she doesn't need to do anything in return.

She is not drawn to you.

But you're drawn to her.

Put yourself in her shoes. If you had someone doing everything for you, wouldn't you also act nice and friendly towards that person even though you didn't love them sexually or passionately?

I'm sure you would too rather than just tell them to hit the high road. You would keep them around too! There's absolutely no reason to tell them to get lost!

Logically, if someone isn't giving you trouble, you keep them around right? Even if that person wants to be more than "just friends", if they don't complain about it (which is what you're doing), then harmony is achieved, right?

Anyways, that's what's going through her mind - for you to get anywhere you have to understand this simple fact.

In other words she holds all the leverage in the relationship.

She could drop you on a moment's notice and not give a care in the world. Or even if it's not a care in the world, she'll get over it in one or two days.

And you would freak out if this happened.

And she knows this. That's pure leverage, my friend.

In other words, if you left, it's no skin off her back. She'll just find another guy - probably one more better than you. Maybe even what you view as a "douchebag" that will actually get laid with her.

Reversing your scorn for the "douchebag" that always seems to "score" with her.

This is the classic example.

You're the nice guy, you treat her right ...then she ditches you for some "douchebag" or "jerk" that actually ends up sleeping with her.

And she can't help but keep going back to him for more.

And you're just there, bewildered, wondering, "Why the hell does she hang around this asshole?"

Point 1, the likelihood of him being a certified "asshole" is probably not correct. Sure, he doesn't bend the knee to her every whim, but he's most likely not verbally abusing her 24/7 as a true asshole would.

Chances are, he probably has a little edge, and a little something called charisma (which we will teach you how to obtain, yourself), that keeps her coming back for more.

We're naturally attracted to people who have certain features or attributes we like. She is no different and will be attracted to what she thinks is the right guy, not what you think the right guy is.

And we all have different tastes - time to get over yourself and start building yourself up so that she (and other women) are drawn to you instead of begging like to be her boyfriend like a beta male.

So not only do you have to change your attitude about the friend zone, you need to consider why you're there in the first place.

The single biggest reason you're in the friend zone? You lack charisma.

You need to get her to be drawn to you - true charisma.

How are people naturally attracted to other people?


a charismatic leader that people are drawn to

Women are no different, and if you understand this, you'll be so much further ahead of your male competition.

Imagine, you're walking down the mall and cute girls eye you as you pass by. That's a type of visual charisma (simply looking good) on the surface level.

You may not want to accept it, but we're animals, and the power of charisma is a natural, primitive trait - one that we will never get rid, not even in the next thousand years.

Women are naturally jealous beings when it comes to men.

They get very protective of their men when they know that other women are eyeing their guy.

By elevating your perceived value through charisma (as well as physical appearances), the effect that will happen is that women will naturally draw towards you and the girl you're trying to impress will also try to compete for you!

Think about it, this is a siutation, a complete 180 compared to previously where you're trying to cater to her needs when she could ditch you any day of the year, even on Christmas, if she so desired.

What is charisma? Understanding charisma in the easiest way possible.

Charisma is a force that attracts people towards you - we all know that. But what exactly makes a person charismatic?

Charisma is the combination of power + kindness.

You pretty much have the kindness - that's why you're in the friend zone. It's why you care, and it's why you stick around and do things for her.

But you lack the power that leads to respect and female attraction.

Power can come in many forms. Here are the three most common forms of power that are completely possible to attain:

  1. Money

  2. Status/Influence

  3. Physical (Intelligence/Physical Strength)

a stylish man with charisma

Think about it.

A benevolent billionaire who gives millions to charities, a la, Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, are charismatic (Money + kindness).

A Hollywood star that is generally accepted as kind, a la, Chris Pratt, for example.

Or simply a good-looking, and physically strong guy like The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), are indisputably charismatic.

Generally, if you asked most people, the response to these people are positive and most people would say they're likeable.

Power + Kindness. Let that sink in for a bit. After a few minutes, you'll come ot realize that it's completely true, and charisma is what you need to work for you to change your friend zone status.

You also don't have to specialize in only one form of power to develop your charisma.

In fact, it's recommended that you get a good balance of the three above - e.g., a good-looking, doctor, who is doing well for himself.

Such an example is probably preferably (especially in women's eyes) than a rich Wall Street tycoon who only knows formulas and finance models or a nerdy, scrawny CEO of a Silicon Valley tech company.

At the end of this article, we will lay out an actionable plan to develop all areas of power that generate charisma giving you a balanced profile that practically all women, universally will love.

How to Get Charisma to Exit the Friend Zone

This process means focusing less on her, and more on you.

This is probably completely different than what you were doing previously (catering to her every whim).

Developing an interesting hobby that doesn't require her.

For most guys, we recommend the hobby of trying to make money.

No, this isn't shallow, but the reasons for this is twofold.

First, the rewards will help enrich and secure your life (money = freedom).

Secondly, as we explained previously, money will allow you to develop charisma that is sourced by simply having lots of money because money is a form of power.

a man making money

This hobby will also allow you to prevent yourself from catering to her every whim as if you're were taking care of your mother in old age.

It'll give you some space and in the long run, if you truly love this girl, you'll both thank your choice to make more money because you'll simply live happier, comfortable lives, instead of one dependent on each other and getting frustrated with each other.

Get in shape (or at least cut down on your body fat)

The universal trait of all good looking people (both male and female) is low-body fat.

Although beauty is subjective, if you show a person a picture of when they're fat and when they're thinner (usually at differnet points in the person's life), practically all people will say the thinner person will look better and more attractive.

The trick with this experiement is that you're not comparing across different people - you're comparing across the same person, the only factor being different is the body fat percentage.

That means we can conclude that body fat is the only factor that leads to a statisitically significant amount of people saying "lower body fat is more attractive than higher body fat percentages, for a given person".

Sure some people will always look better than others, but the goal here is to maximize your looks, not someone else's - so why compare to another person in the first place when trying to improve and focus on yourself?

It doesn't make sense to compare pictures of two different people because Jessica Alba at 15% body fat will most likely still be attractive than some woman you know at 10% body fat - simply due to her celebrity and beauty popularity she has build over the past two decades.

Also, your face looks 10 times better because your facial features are accented and revealed (jawline, cheekbones, etc.). These features are common features you'll see accented in pictures of models both male and female.

Also check out these 6 tips for getting out of the friend zone.

So we clearly, charisma is the single most important element to getting out of the friend zone.

But what will happen when you finally get her in bed with you? Better be prepared by naturally maximizing your genetic potential with your penis size.

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