How to Be More Confident Around Girls
Written by Mike Patel on June 4, 2016
Why can't you talk to girls? Why do you get nervous and end up letting them pass you by without even saying "hi"?
Simple answer, lack of confidence and the curse of the inferiority complex. So first, we have to understand and explore what the inferiority complex is.
You and the Curse of the Inferiority Complex
Many guys and myself suffer from something called an "inferiority complex", which is just a fancy term that means that no matter how good you are at something, you're still not satisified with yourself.
It may very well be that you're probably one of the experts in the world at the subject, or you're just a beginner - you still feel inferior to your peers and no matter how hard you work, you feel like you're underachieving.
We'll explore in a bit how this is affecting your confidence with girls and women.
One thing to note is that having an inferiority complex is both a good and a bad thing - a double-edged sword.
A real life example is when you're doing college admissions. Let's take few scenarios.
Case 1: Officially winning, but having second-thoughts on accomplishments.
Let's say you get accepted into a top-tier ivy league school, and are immediately overjoyed with the result. Later you find out that some of your peers didn't get into the top-tier schools that they were aiming for.
Some of those schools was the one that you just accepted into.
Because of your inferiority complex, you start to question your achievements and wonder: "Do I really deserve to be accepted into this school?". All your past achievements fly out the window and you're blinded by the fact that you put in hard work, not only in the classroom, but also in extracurricular activities like atheletics.
These negative thoughts affect your first few semesters (or quarters) at the university and you start to stress out, overwork yourself, and as a result, your health and efficiency plummet into abysmal states. Developing some state of depression is also not uncommon.
Case 2: Not officially winning, but you've worked extremely hard.
The sad truth with our world is: "Everyone cannot be winners". One contributor to this fact is purely mathematical and number-wise. Here is an example.
Let's say there's an academic award for "Most Accomplished Student", and you're a hot contender for this award. All you're friends and peers are giving you hints that you'll definitely win this award. This gives you some confidence as it's always a good feeling to receive compliments from others (genuine or not).
The award is announced, and you don't win the award. You're disappointed and for the next few weeks wonder: What went wrong?
Well, this is when numbers start to play. Let's say we had a mathematical model for every metric and factor that contributed to an indexed score that would determine the result for the award. Let's say that this model is nearly perfect and takes into account over 200 factors (something like the Google ranking algorithm).
Now let's say that you scored an indexed score of 1150. Your nearest competitor (your buddy or rival) scored a 1156. The next highest score (3rd place) was a pitiful 650.
Simply due to numbers and the fact that only one person can win the award, the person with teh score of 1156 is the winner (and the take-all) person for the award. Second place (you) gets no recognition. It's not your fault - you can't affect what your competition does - but emotions run high: depression, doubt, and frustration. The quesiton, "What could I have done differently?" bugs you at night, and the worse part is, even if you did figure out what to do differently, it won't help now.
Depression turns into obsession, and it can work for you or against you in the future.
You also need to consider the human error of the judges who they gave the award to. Say you scored the same (1150) and your buddy/rival scored the same (1156). They are not machines and cannot accurately create this indexed score like Google's algorithm (even Google's algorithm is not perect itself).
They may have not taken into fact the amount of kittens you rescued when doing community service at the pet shelter (or they're actualy more of a dog-type person). Even if mathematically, you were the best person for the award, you still may lose to the judge's human error.
Case 3: Didn't win, legitimately didn't deserve to.
This last case is where the doubled-edge sword works in your favor.
This is when you didn't win the award, and didn't deserve to.
Here, your inferiority complex kicks in and you train/study/work very hard to be the very best that you can be.
You desire to win and will do whatever it takes to get that win, even if it means a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears. This drive from the inferiority complex is extremely powerful. So harness that power and use it to your advantage in everything you do.
Identify the Exact Reasons why You're Not Confident
So now that we've diagnosed you with an inferiority complex, how does the complex affect your mind and mental state? Here, we go over some common thoughts men exeperience that affect their confidence with women.
These thoughts are nag at you, keep you awake at night, and negatively affect your self-esteem.
Lack of Experience with girls and women.
I get it. It's terrifying to jump in the deep end.
However, to be honest, there's no choice shallow-end choice when it comes to confidence with girls and women.
Think about it for a second. That's because either you approach the girl or you don't - it's very binary.
Usually, what happens is the latter - you don't approach - and really, only one result occurs: regret.
Now there's two things that can happen if you approach a girl. One she is friendly to you and you get her phone number. Regardless of how you get there (smooth or not), this is one of two results.
The second result is that you don't get her phone number and well ...nothing happens.
Out of these two possible outcomes, none are self-destructive. A perfect contrast are monetary investments. Say you invested $5000 in the stock market. In a couple of months the stock tanks. You're down $5000 and you can't do anything about it - a destructive result.
Ok, so you don't get the girl's phone number. What's the result? Well you lose a few minutes of your time, and you gain experience. You now have a benchmark to learn from and you can analyze what went well, what didn't, and it becomes a learning experience that will reap benefits for a lifetime.
You don't think your looks are good enough.
Regardless of what you're currently at, here is the complete list of things that you can 100% change about yourself to take you to an 8.
- Having clear, clean skin - no blemishes and pimples.
- Having low facial fat.
- Having low overall body fat (~15% body fat)
- Having some lean muscle - but not too bulky
- Having basic style - not dressing ghetto, but rather above average.
You don't think you're rich enough.
For some, money may be a factor in their confidence and self-esteem. I mean who doesn't want money to flaunt your status and successs?
Being able to buy a girl any drink she wants, without even flinching at the cost is a sign of confidence the girls can definitely detect.
There's nothing wrong with spending money to gain influence with women, just make sure you're in control 100% of the time - gold diggers will never be able to take advantage of you this way.
Money is something you have to work on offline and is more like rocket silos sitting on the back line of the force that is your confidence. They have heavy firepower but, is not something that is immediately apparent when interacting with women, especially for the first time.
However, the benefit of having money is that it boosts your self-esteem and in turn, this boosts the confidence the emanates from your body language. So it's useful for both short-term and long-term confidence.
You're not happy with your status in life
Everybody's at different points in their lives.
You could be the newly graduated and broke college student that landed a mediocre job. You could be middle-aged and haven't had sex in months (or years).
If you're not proud of your career or you current job position, this will affect your confidence.
Defintely having a high-ranking job position will boost your confidence. CEO, Manager, CIO, political office, or even being a business owner are some universally desirable job titles.
Improving your net worth is something you have to be in for the long-haul, and is something you do offline. You're investing in yourself.
We're not going to tell you how to make more money (unless we get lots of comments from you guys on this blog post), but generally, making-money is much harder than having game with women.
So take a hard look at your life and where you're at. Where do you want to be? Are you happy? I know for a fact that living in LA, 80% of the population is not happy with their current status in life, whether they're in the entertainment industry or the company they work for.
You don't think your penis is large enough.
Don't be fooled by anyone that says penis size doesn't matter. The issue of penis size is the ghost dwelling at the back of your room and you're lying in bed awake awaiting for it to strike.
This is completely reasonable feeling because what's the final frontier with any woman? It's sex obviously! There's a reason why sex is called home-plate, not 1st or 2nd base - you're going to have to deal with it and reach it eventually!
Any man who doesn't acknowledge that penis size on their mind (especially acknowledge to themselves) is in complete denial - and that's hazardous to their health and how far their going to get in life. They may have other shortcomings, but will hide what they are and will stay crappy at what they do.
The only valid excuse for not caring about your penis size is if you don't plan on interacting with the other sex - that is, if you plan on becoming a priest or monk.
Fortunately, penis enlargement is 100% possible - that is, all guys can achieve an inch gain, not the outrageous ones of 5 inches.
Although it takes time (think bodybuilding), you can learn how to get a big cock here.
Building out your whole profile
You need to develop the "her-loss" mentality
The "her-loss" mentality is confidence with girls in it's pure form.
You legitimately don't care if you succeed with getting her number, or even getting in bed with her.
Your time is as valuable as the richest CEO's on the planet. You're giving her a few minutes of your time, so you really don't care what she thinks - you're making an executive decision whether to invest in her or not.
Ultimately, you make the decision to close the deal. If she rejects, she missed out on a superb "business" opportunity. If you detect a red flag from her and decide to fall-back, you aren't desperate and have that confidence in yourself.
If you get her number, you don't get all emotional - you're steady. It's expected. After all, you're an invidivual of high value, so it's only natural that she wanted your number.
This is exactly the confident mindset when approaching women, and they can detect this - especially through your persona, charisma, and body language.
Now if you legitimately have money, status, power, a big penis, and style, (oh and a decent personality - not hard to achieve), women will be drawn towards you - not the other way around. The amount of effort you put in to have success with women will decrease exponentially. Your merits are working for you.
Artificial vs. Natural Confidence
What is artificial and natural confidence? Artificial confidence is when you have to "pump" yourself up or "psych" yourself into feeling invincible. It's temporary and can be generated through drugs, meditation, or friends.
Artificial confidence comes and goes. It can last a few minutes to a couple hours. Think of it like a spur that gets you to take action rather than being complacent and frozen.
So what's natural confidence then? It's a type of confidence that is intrinsically tied to your being. It's your steady-state self-esteem. It's the long-term average of how confident you are and affects you day-to-day, week-to-week, and even across years.
Natural confidence comes from your status and profile, things that cannot be taken away from you easily. This includes your looks, your bank account, and your job position, to name a few. If you were to get rejected by a girl on Sunday, but you had a net worth of $5 million, you wouldn't think twice about that rejection come Monday (no Monday-blues at all).
The only way to gain natural confidence is to build it up over the long-term. It takes work, but the benefits are immensely powerful and will last you a lifetime.
The perfect example is when you're playing poker.
Why should you focus on the things above? One simple world-truth:
Actions speak louder than words.
Think of the Dos Equis Man - The most interesting man in the world. As soon as the commercial plays, just based on the way he dresses and his demanor, you're instantly attacted to him. Huge charmisma.
This is 100% true with women, as well as relationships with all people you'll meet.
Imagine that she's a random girl on the street or store (which is what I assume, the type of women you want more success with.
Now, when you haven't met the women yet, and they know nothing about you, how can she even know whether you have tons of cash, a nice car, and a big penis?
Well, you could tell her, but again that defeats the purpose of "actions speak louder than words".
So, you have 1/20th of a second to make a reaction impression and practically 30 seconds to make a first impression.
Here are the things you have to improve to make those first 30 seconds effective:
You're too comfortable with being mediocre.
This one is an easy trap to fall into (the majority of our population is in it), and it's an extremely hard hole to dig yourself out of.
First, imagine being at rock bottom
Imagine you're at rock-bottom (homeless, broke, family gone). It can be fairly easy to say to yourself: "I'm tired of this shit and I'm going to do something about it."
...And that's exaclty what you do. The fear and discomfort motivate you and drive you to take action to take yourself from point A (a shithole) to point B (not being in a shithole).
Now take the case of living a comfortable life
You need to develop a "her-loss" attitude - this is confidence in it's rawest, purest form.
You need to take your looks to at least an 8 and it's 100% possible for every guy on the planet if they put in the work.
You need to work on your whole profile (money, looks, status, penis size, and style) to develop natural confidence. Natural confidence is evergreen - it lasts forever and works for you until you die.
Women and girls sense confidence in the first 30 seconds with body language. Your body language is affected by your self-esteem and your profile.
Leave some comments below on what topics you'd like us to elaborate more upon and we can make specific guides on how to achieve each of the things we talked about. However, you have to tell us which ones you're most interested in, so we don't waste our time writing about something you don't care about!
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