How to Manage Friends with Benefits

Written by Chelsea on April 24, 2016


Ahhh, Friends with benefits.

You find a hot girl, you decide you want to have sex with her, she agrees.

Then, also agrees that the arrangement can continue without committing to each other or getting romantic. Can this really happen?! Yes, it can.

woman mounting man standing up

This sounds like the ideal situation to some, an unrealistic fantasy to others.

The truth is, it’s perfectly possible and can work out great. We all know that sex is awesome, and the more of it you’re having, the better life is.

How a "friends with benefits" situation goes all depends on whether or not you do it right.

I have observed over 20 friends and acquaintances in relationships and have had enough experiences myself to know the ropes quite well.

I’ve seen people mess this up and know exactly what to avoid, and I would like to share that knowledge.

If you’ve ever been interested in this type of dynamic, first understand the pros and cons:

Pros:

  • Sex with no Obligation:

    This is an obvious pro of being friends with benefits, and it’s the reason why most people are interested in pursuing this dynamic. In most situations where you are repeatedly fucking the same women, there is an expectation of fulfilling her emotional needs, paying attention to her feelings, getting closer to her, eventually making her your girlfriend or getting more and more serious, etc. Deciding to just be friends with benefits takes away these obligations or expectations altogether.
  • sexy woman on a white wall
  • Less Searching for Sex:

    Instead of having to go out to bars every Friday and find a willing candidate each time you’re horny, you already have someone that you know is interested who you can text or call whenever you want. This is a confidence booster knowing you have a hot girl who wants to bang you any time. This also takes a lot of the hassle out of always finding new girls to get with, which takes effort and planning. However, you can find more if you want, which leads me to my next point…
  • Freedom to Pursue Multiple Partners:

    There is no guilt attached if you want to have sex with multiple women when you have a friend with benefits. Men love having a lot of partners, and one study even shows that having more partners can lead to a reduced cancer risk. Usually, when a sexual dynamic is established with a woman, a lot of expectation comes along with it, and they will get mad if they find out you’re also fucking someone else at the same time.
  • a free man in a grass field
  • However, if you are both aware that you’re just friends with benefits, she never even has to know whether she’s the only one, and ideally won’t even care. If she starts asking whether she is the "only one" or whether you are seeing others, that’s a red flag.
  • Honing Your Skills in Bed:

    Repeatedly fucking the same person means that you’ll likely explore a lot of things together sexually as you get used to each other. This gives you the perfect opportunity to improve your skills, find out how to please women, and add this knowledge to your repertoire. Also, if it’s a friend you’re having sex with often, you’ll be more comfortable to ask questions and get feedback on ways to improve. Without the emotional element added to the situation, it will be casual enough to have these talks with it getting weird.
  • woman in bed giving a thumbs up
  • Opportunity to Meet More Women:

    Having a female "friend" means that you’ll likely spend time with her and have an opportunity to meet more female "friends". This can lead to more opportunities for you to hook up with other girls. Just be clear that you and the friend with benefits are just friends so her girl pals don’t assume she’s already claimed you. If you get lucky, you might have more than one friend with benefits at a time, and if they’re really adventurous, maybe even two in the same bed.
  • attractive friends smiling at a camera

Cons:

  • Risk of Attachment:

    I’ve seen this happen with a lot of friends who tried out the "sex buddy" idea. One or the other ends up liking their sex partner a little too much and things get emotional and weird. If you find someone you think could be a good friends with benefits candidate, you should make sure you are aware of your own intentions. Is this a girl you could envision yourself wanting to date? Then suggesting a casual sexual arrangement is probably asking for more trouble than it’s worth, especially if you find out she’s fucking other guys at the same time. Keep the fuck buddy arrangement in mind for buddy type girls only and not ones you are interested in more than sexually.
  • panties around a woman's ankles
  • Possible Jealousy/Drama:

    A lot of times girls say they’re okay with just being friends with benefits, and use that as a way to try to get closer to you. They could be really attached and just hoping for attention from you, and then, try to use it against you later or guilt you into committing to something you don’t want.
  • an unhappy, confused woman at a bar, frustrated with a man
  • Irresponsibility Leads to Being Hit By Drama Out of the Blue:

    One minute, you could be blissfully unaware, operating under the assumption that you’re a totally free man just having some fun with a girl and find yourself getting yelled at and cried to the next. This can lead to a lot of unnecessary bullshit and drama. Luckily, there are foolproof ways to avoid this scenario, which I will get to soon.
  • Messing Up Chances with Other Girls:

    I’ve seen this happen a few times where a guy starts a casual sexual arrangement with a girl in his friend group. If you have a wide circle of friends that are all well connected and communicate a lot, things going bad between you and the friend with benefits could mean that she tells the other girls in the group.

Girls have a tendency to talk a lot and also form alliances. This could ruin your chances with getting with one of them or pursuing sex with them.

For the most part, it’s a better idea to seek out girls for the fuck buddy dynamic that are outside your group of friends and aren’t super involved in your life.

girls having fun with each other at a sleepover

As you can see, the pros typically outweigh the cons when it comes to having a fuck buddy, the key lies in doing it right.

This means that the people involved are totally aware of what’s going on and there is no confusion.

Most people have to learn what to do and what not to do by going through a lot of trial and error. Allow me to save you some of that hassle and annoyance.

Let’s go over some ways to make sure you’re going for the optimal experience here.

Things to Keep in Mind When Seeking Out a "Friends with Benefits" Candidate:

  • Don’t Give False Hope:

    Many guys might be tempted to appear to be interested in a girl’s personality and emotions and such for the sake of trying to get her into bed or into a "friends with benefits" type of situation. Although it appears like it could work on the surface, and might for a little while, I strongly advise against this approach. There is too much of a risk for things to get complicated and blow up in your face. The expectations that the girl will have will put a pressure on the situation that just isn’t worth a few nights of wild activity in the sack. There are plenty of girls out there that you wouldn’t have to do this with, so ideally you will find those girls instead.
  • Pick a Chill and Emotionally Stable Girl:

    You know that hot girl you’ve met at a party who seems exciting and sexy yet you see a bit of a crazy glimmer in her eyes? Don’t ignore that glimmer. A one-time fuck is okay but making it a habit with this type is just asking for trouble. If you’re going to have a continuous "only sex and no emotional attachment or craziness" arrangement going on, you need to pick a mature woman who is not insecure or showing signs of instability in any way. It’s too easy to think you’re both on the same page and then wind up having her start asking questions about whether she is enough for you or whether you want to meet her parents, etc. You may even walk outside one morning to find that she keyed your car. Just avoid that altogether by selecting someone mature who wants the same thing as you.
  • a woman smiling at the beach
  • Pick a Girl who is really just a Friend:

    I talked about this a bit earlier in the article, but it’s important to go for someone that you aren’t interested in beyond the physical. Thinking that you’d like to make someone your girlfriend, knowing they just are interested in sex from you, and agreeing to that is just not a good idea. Do you really want to be fucking a girl you like and possibly find out she’s also banging other dudes at the same time? Do you want to possibly be the "friend" that she comes to seeking advice about other guys? Probably not. Be smart about this and don’t try to get a casual sex thing going with a girl you like for more than just sexual reasons. That is just needless complications.
  • If You Sense Weirdness, Back Out:

    What started out as a nice and fun casual fucking situation can get weird really quick, so if you start sensing that the girl wants to marry you, starts referring to you guys as "us" or seems to be hoping to take your relationship to the "next stage", cut things off right then and there and find another candidate to get friendly benefits from, drama-free. Sure, if she’s particularly hot you may not want to give up the sex, but I’ve seen a lot of guy friends make this mistake and regret it later or even end up in a relationship they never wanted. Let me save you some trouble. It’s not worth it!
  • wife finds a woman's underwear near her husband and scolds him
  • Keep It Somewhat Impersonal:

    So you just had great sex with this girl and you’re lying there next to each other and making small talk, then you start asking each other questions about your lives. If you want to keep your friends with benefits dynamic going, I recommend keeping this to a minimum. Starting to get personal with this "friend" will often lead to complications. Keep it on the surface and try to keep your interactions focused on the main event; the sex. Don’t have her sleep over to spend the night cuddling and make her breakfast in the morning unless you have plans to make her into a girlfriend.
  • a sexy woman dressed in white underwear

In conclusion

Having a harmonious "friends with benefits" relationship is great for a lot of reasons. It will increase your sexual prowess and sexual knowledge in general.

Being in a great fuck buddy arrangement will increase your confidence, stamina, and ideas for getting better in bed, and what man doesn’t want all of those things?

If you keep all of these points in mind at all times when considering a friends with benefits candidate, you will always have a good experience.

Not only will this increase your favor with your existing fuck buddy, but it will also open the door for more friends with benefits in the future.

As long as you stay aware of your intentions and do your best to keep drama out of it completely, you’ll be good to go.

I hope that this article provided you with some valuable insight so you can be well on your way to being an expert at having friends with benefits relationships. Good luck!


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